Love vs Duty

It is an eye opener from Osho. Would like to share with you all. Summary is created by Google Gemini and pasted here as is without editing anything.


In Chapter 8 of Tantric Transformations, Osho expands on the "Mother" example to show how duty is not just a lack of love, but a form of subtle violence.

When a mother acts out of duty rather than love, Osho explains that she enters a cycle of sacrifice and revenge that poisons the relationship for both parties. Here are the specific details of that "torture" he describes:

1. The Torture of "Sacrifice"

Osho argues that "sacrifice" is one of the ugliest words in the human language.1

  • For the Mother: When she "sacrifices" her life, her joy, or her career for her children out of duty, she begins to feel like a martyr. This martyrdom is a heavy burden. She isn't doing things because they bring her bliss; she is doing them because she must. This turns her life into a long, slow torture of self-denial.

  • For the Child: The child is "tortured" by the weight of this sacrifice. A child can never forgive a mother who has sacrificed for them, because the sacrifice creates an unpayable debt.2 The child feels like a "burden" on the mother’s life, which destroys the child’s sense of worth and freedom.

2. The Cycle of Subconscious Revenge

Because the mother is suffering (torturing herself) to fulfill her duty, Osho says she will inevitably take subconscious revenge on the child.3

  • She will use her sacrifice as a weapon: "I gave up my life for you, and this is how you behave?" * Even if she doesn't say it, the child "feels the vibration." The child senses the mother’s hidden anger and resentment.4 This creates a "double bind": the mother is smiling and serving (duty), but her energy is cold and angry (truth). This psychological mismatch is a form of mental torture for the child.

3. The "Murderous Desire"

Osho goes even deeper, suggesting that when duty replaces love, a "murderous desire" can arise.5 Because the child is the reason the mother has to "sacrifice" her freedom, she may unconsciously wish the child wasn't there.

  • The Pretense: She pretends to be a "good mother."

  • The Reality: Deep down, she feels the child is her jailer.

    Osho says that children are incredibly intuitive; they see through the mask of duty and feel the "murderous" resentment behind the "loving" service.6

4. The Solution: "Be Selfish"

Osho’s radical advice to mothers is to be selfish.

  • He suggests that a mother should take care of her own happiness, her own meditation, and her own joy first.7

  • Why? Because only a happy mother can be a loving mother. When a mother is overflowing with her own bliss, taking care of the child is no longer a "duty"—it is a sharing of her joy.8

  • In this state, she doesn't feel she is "giving" anything; she feels grateful to the child for being there to receive her love.

Comparison of the Energy Flow

FeatureMotherhood as DutyMotherhood as Love (Tantra)
Inner FeelingMartyrdom and "Sacrifice"Overflowing Joy and Sharing
Result for ChildGuilt and IndebtednessFreedom and Self-Worth
Communication"Look what I did for you.""Thank you for letting me love you."
PsychologyTorturous & ResentfulAuthentic & Nutritious


In Chapter 8, Osho explains that the only way to move from the "torture" of duty to the freedom of love is to undergo a radical internal shift. He focuses on dropping the ego-driven guilt that society uses to keep people "good" but miserable.

Here are the specific details on how he suggests we drop the guilt and transition to a life of "loving awareness":

1. Recognizing the "Social Conscience" vs. The Real Conscience

Osho makes a vital distinction:

  • Social Conscience: This is the voice of your parents, teachers, and society inside your head. It is essentially "programmed guilt." When you don't do your duty, this voice makes you feel like a "bad person."

  • Real Conscience: This is your own awareness. It has nothing to do with rules. It is simply your ability to see what is true in the moment.

    The Technique: Start observing the "shoulds" in your mind. When you feel you "should" do something, ask: "Is this my heart speaking, or is this the voice of my upbringing?" Just by identifying the voice as "external," its power over you begins to wither.

2. The Practice of "Selfishness" (The Tantric Way)

Osho argues that "unselfishness" is a primary cause of human misery. If you are not happy yourself, you cannot possibly make anyone else happy; you can only "infect" them with your misery.

  • The Shift: Focus entirely on your own inner flowering.

  • The Result: When you are happy, love becomes a natural byproduct. You don't "try" to love your children or your partner; love flows out of you because you are full. In Tantra, being "selfish" means being centered in your own soul so that you have something real to give.

3. Dropping the "Doer" (The No-Shadow State)

Guilt survives because of the Ego. The ego feels, "I am the one doing this great sacrifice."

  • The Technique: Start looking at your actions as part of the total movement of existence. If love happens, it is a gift from the beyond. If it doesn't happen, it's simply not there.

  • The Goal: By dropping the idea that you are the "doer," you also drop the possibility of guilt. If you aren't the doer, how can you be a "sinner" or a "saint"? You are just a hollow bamboo through which existence flows.

4. Living in the "Now" (Sahaj)

Duty is always about the past (promises made) or the future (results expected). Love is always in the present.

  • Osho suggests that the moment you feel a "duty" toward someone, you have moved into the past.

  • To drop the guilt, you must stay in the "Now." If you feel like hugging your child right now, do it. If you don't, don't force it. Forced affection is "spiritual poison." Being honest about your current state—even if that state is "I need space"—is more loving than a fake smile.

The Anatomy of the Transition

Moving From: DutyMoving To: Love/Tantra
Motivation: Fear of punishment or guiltMotivation: Bliss and overflow
Guidance: External laws/moralityGuidance: Internal awareness/intuition
Relationship: Transactional (I give, you owe)Relationship: Transformational (I give, I am grateful)
State of Mind: Tension and "Should"State of Mind: Relaxation and "Is"

A Final Eye-Opening Thought from Osho

He concludes that if everyone were "selfish" enough to be blissful, the world would be full of love. The world is miserable precisely because everyone is trying to be "good" and perform their "duty" toward others while their own inner house is on fire.

Would you like me to find Osho's specific "Meditation on the Heart" that he often recommends to help break the habit of living from the head/duty?

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